Cyber Life, Lies, and Getting Passed Being Stumped, Oh My

I'm tired. My heart hurts and I cry. I'm so tired of trying to make things work out. I scream out...I'M SO TIRED...PLEASE GOD SAVE ME FROM MY OWN MISERY. I'm tired of taking bull from life. I'm tired of being strung along by love. Do you ever feel like you're stuck in one place? It's not moving forward, not going anywhere. You feel it, and it torments you like a claw-happy cat jumping on your back on the first day of the worst sunburn of your life...Pure Agony would be the best term to use. It's like being stuck at a dead end road..You're still walking though, so your nose keeps bumping the concrete wall in front of you..Preventing you from being able to walk on. You feel so determined to get passed it, you end up breaking your nose in a desperate attempt to "move on". You cry out in a dark room, but does anyone hear? HELP ME!! You walk in circles, trying to get out. With your arms stretched forward, in front of you, you keep walking into walls..No windows, no lights, no flesh, no sound..Only darkness..Stillness and the very breath of your soul. You can hear your own hum and feel your own vibe....You cry. Does anyone see? Does anyone feel what you feel?

We all need closure, from relationships and "cyber ships". We have to get passed things to be able to go on to the next part of our lives. Our spirits are not happy if they feel confined in a tight spot, or entrapped by imprisonment.

It's not fun wearing my heart and emotions on my sleeve in this cyber world of fakeness and lies..or having to explain all this to anyone. For me, now is the time in life for enlightenment. I want to learn and go forward, not dwell on petty things and pain of the past. I've wasted too much of my life already..being "wounded". Now I'm ready to live.

Do you ever feel like you're being lied to? Do you ever feel like someone is studying you, analyzing you, testing who you are as a person, for their own personal interest. Okay, what is it about the internet that makes someone paranoid?...I think maybe, just maybe..I've got a little case of paranoia after being on the internet for two years. I came here to get my work out there, trying to share my work with others. It's started turning into something else, and I'm not sure if it's agreeing with me anymore. People in real life say I need to break from the internet if it's going to make me cry and cause stress. I can get nervous if i feel overwhelmed by something or someone. Taking hate about my work is not what I'm talking about either. I learned to let that stuff roll off my back a long time ago. I'm talking about when it starts getting personal in a world that was designed to be deceptive...the web.

I'm not going to disclose my personal information and past emotional baggage to anyone on the internet, so don't bother asking me. I can barely determine who can really be trusted on the web and who is being straightforward, upfront, and honest about their identity. You can trust someone, then find out they're really someone else..taking on multiple identities..for whatever reasons. In this day and age, it's so easy to be someone else..and no one would ever know.

Like you, I wasn't born yesterday, so don't mistake me for a fool. If I'm nice and kind to someone, it's because I want to be. Don't mistake kindness for weakness, thinking you can walk all over me...and I won't be none the wiser. Don't play games with me thinking I'll never know. I sense more that I'm given credit for. I'm uncomfortable with lies. With the way everything is fake in the cyber world, some people actually are under the impression, it's okay to lie...or that it's okay to pretend to be someone else and lead someone on under a fake identity.

IT'S NOT OK!!!!!! It's not right. Life does this thing where it loves to come back on you..and lies are the worst. When they show their ugly face, it's not pleasant. I have a radar...but it's not always so great. Sometimes, I miss things I should pick up on, and sometimes I get it completely wrong the other way around...Thinking I know something, when in fact, I don't.

Honestly, I don't want to spend my time talking about these things..I'd rather be writing blogs of positive nature..but there are moments when I'm beside myself, when I feel at the end of my rope. I feel cooked and simmered over...Too late. Now I have to play it by ear. Yeah, not always a great idea either. Some situations need more nurturing and guidance. What makes me feel frustrated?...I can't tell what my situation is. How or to who I need to be giving the nurturing. I'm stumped.

I appreciate the internet, and I'm grateful for what it's enabled me to do, don't get me wrong...but like everything else in life, it's a two-way lane...like dark and light..hot and cold, good and bad..There's great things about the internet and there's bad things. Trouble is knowing which is which, so you can avoid the bad. If you want to come to the internet for work and professional reasons, be weary of the downside. Think positive and keep a positive attitude, but always be on guard with a backbone. It's great to make friends, but also be cautious when making cyber friends, especially if you're a youth.

My sister says she won't talk to anyone on the internet unless they're upfront and honest about their identity. If they're hesitant to show you who they are. If they make excuses about their pictures and letting u see them, it's because they have something to hide. Don't be fooled. PLEASE. Because I'm nice and treat people accordingly, doesn't mean I'm bait for intimidation or manipulation. If you dont' want to be honest and straightforward about who you are...the real you, the real life you, then don't come around asking me to give out that kind of information. I'm not going to disclose myself to someone who may or may not be around the next time I go to talk to them. Some peeps have ways of disappearing from their accounts, making a new one the next day as someone else...just to contact you again. Funny thing is...it's like you sense them in both identities. Really, I don't know how to explain any of this the way I want to. The internet can be a dark place full of uncertainty. The truth is..cyber life is not REAL LIFE and it never will be. I choose real life. Jesus was sent here for this very reason...HOPE! No matter what, everything will be OK.

Stick close to what you know to be the truth and you'll choose the right path. I just hope I can follow my own advice.